Addams Family (The) Quotes

Addams  Family Quotes

The Addams Family (1964) Quotes

Lurch: [about the new robot, Smiley that was built to use as an assistant] Smiley… wants my job. They like him better. That tin… jug. [sits on a chair] It’s unfair. [Thing shows from a box holding a sheet, Lurch takes it] Thank you, Thing. I’m… through. I’m… finished. [Thing makes a “no you’re not” gesture by shaking his index finger] What can I do? [Thing makes a fist and moves rapidly upward twice, makes an impression of slapping, and collapses] Thank… you. You’re a real friend, Thing.

Gomez Addams: [building a robot] Wrench!
Uncle Fester: [assisting him] Wrench!
Gomez Addams: Pliers!
Uncle Fester: Pliers!
Gomez Addams: Screwdriver!
Uncle Fester: Screwdriver! [he gives him a Screwdriver cocktail]
Gomez Addams: [drinks] Delicious!

Jack LaLanne: Say, what do you generally eat?
Uncle Fester: Oh, the usual thing. Eye of newt, puree of aardvark, roast yak.
Jack LaLanne: You know, they say we’re what we eat. And mister, you really are!

Morticia Addams: [watching Fester exercise to Jack LaLanne] What is Uncle Fester doing, Gomez?
Gomez Addams: Either he’s dancing to the late late show or he’s exercising to the early early show.

Gomez Addams: I’m already married to Morticia!
Don Xavier: You are already married to your sister?
Gomez Addams: Sister?
Don Xavier: Si!
Morticia Frump Addams: Who?
Don Xavier: He!
Gomez Addams: Me?
Morticia Addams: I am not his sister! We’re husband and wife!
Don Xavier: Husband and wife? You make insult!
Morticia Addams: Who?
Don Xavier: He!
Gomez Addams: Me?
Don Xavier: Si!
Grandmama Addams: Gee!

Gomez: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes?
Morticia: No. Besides, my eyes are blue.
Gomez: No wonder nobody’s ever told you!

Lurch: Uuuuuuuuhhhhh!
Cousin Itt: What do you mean by that, Lurch?
Lurch: Just “uuuuuuuuhhhhh”!

Gomez Addams: Strangest fish I ever saw!
Morticia Addams: Darling, it’s Mama’s dress shoe!
Gomez Addams: Ah, so it is… Ah, still, it’s the biggest thing I ever caught. Two pounds if it’s an ounce. An indoor record!

Morticia Addams: Gomez, darling, what would we do if a Martian did land right here?
Gomez Addams: We’d do what any red-blooded American would do. Run!
Morticia Addams: True.

Gomez Addams: [Hands Commissioner Fiske a check for a donation to the zoo] Here you are, sir. One hundred fifty thousand dollars and twenty cents.
Park Commissioner Fiske: Twenty cents?
Gomez Addams: I threw in your car fare.
Park Commissioner Fiske: Thank you! Thank you Uncle Fester! Thank you, Mrs. Addams! Thank you, Mr. Addams and thank you [shaking Thing’s outstretched hand]… uhhh ewwww ewwwwwhhh [shakes his head in disbelief and runs out the door]
Morticia Addams: You’re quite right, darling. He should slow down.

Dr. Milford: Most unusual… most unusual…

Lurch: I’m a wallflower.
Gomez Addams: What?
Lurch: I can’t dance.
Gomez Addams: Oh, it’s so simple. You can learn in no time. [snapping his fingers in time] “Come, and trip it as ye go, / On the light fantastick toe”. Shakespeare!
Morticia Addams: [snaps her fingers] Milton!

Morticia Addams: My name is Mrs. Addams, and I want you to find my little girl Wednesday.
Sgt. Haley: Look, I’ll find her Tuesday, if I can, but don’t give me no deadlines, will you please?
Morticia Addams: Wednesday is her name.
Sgt. Haley: Oh, and I suppose you’re gonna tell me her middle name is Thursday, huh?
Morticia Addams: Friday.

Gomez: TISH. That’s French.

Wednesday: Either that’s Grandmamma or Santa Claus is a woman.
Pugsley: Either that or Grandmama’s a man.

Wednesday: Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn’t believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies. Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.

Wednesday: Uncle Fester, do you believe in Santa Claus?
Uncle Fester: Well, of course. You kids are talking like children.

Lurch: [gong] You rang?

Gomez: The L stands for Lucifer.
Morticia: Very appropriate for a politician.

Morticia: [siren] Mail’s in.

Lurch: [on why he won’t go to the Butlers’ Ball] I’m a wallflower.

Morticia: Look at Mr. Addams. He’s always developing outside interests.
Gomez: Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner’s reports in the neighborhood.

Gomez: Pugsley, take your toad out of here. Things like this upset him.

Wednesday: It’ll be fun.
Lurch: I like being miserable.
Wednesday: You might find a nice girl to be miserable with.

Morticia: Mr. Addams’ treatment for Grandmama’s back had the whole medical world agog.
Gomez: Agog? Aghast.

Gomez: I’m quite proud of Mrs. Addams’ hothouse. She’s raised these plants from tiny weeds.

Gomez: Somebody… down there… likes me!
Morticia: [to Gomez] I’ve been yours since that first day you carved my initials in your leg.
Morticia: Think of Romeo and Juliet.
Gomez: They died!
Morticia: Oh, but what fun they had those last three days.

Pugsley: Mother! Father! Wednesday’s flown the coop!
Gomez: Talk sense boy.
Pugsley: She’s run away from home.
Gomez: Really? Very adventurous spirit. I didn’t run away from home until I was eight.
Morticia: That’s ridiculous.
Pugsley: She even left a note. I helped her write it. [Hands note to Morticia]
Morticia: [reading] “Dear Mother and Father, I hate you. Love, Wednesday. P.S. Don’t bother looking for me because I’m not anywhere. Goodbye, W.”

Gomez: Now, if you’ll observe, my dear, croquet is a combination of TWO things: balance, timing, peripheral vision, superb coordination, and a killer’s instinct!

Gomez: [while speaking to a political candidate] I love a man with integrity – I wish I knew one.

Gomez: [into a telephone] What’s the good word? [inaudible response] Surely you can think of a better word than that…

Grandmama Addams: [Brandishing a battleaxe] I haven’t used this baby since the taxman was here!

Uncle Fester: Shoot ’em in the back!

Lurch: UH-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-UH!

Gomez: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes?
Morticia: No. Besides, my eyes are blue.
Gomez: No wonder nobody’s ever told you!

Morticia: Why, thank you, Thing!

 

Posted in TV Quotes and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *