Posts Tagged ‘quotes’




The green breaks your bonds with anyone you’ve ever loved. It’s like everyone you had any connection to dies on you all at once. The more damaged and antisocial you are, the better a candidate. Guess I checked the right boxes. Like you.



Detonation collar. If any of us gives the order, your head goes boom. How’s that for sudden brain death?


Dutch: We finally have a Level Six right where we want them.
Johnny: In the bag. No? Too much?

Dutch: So the cure for Sixes is banging D’av?
Johnny: Yeah, well as much as I would like to claim that one for clan Jaqobis… No.

Dutch: It’s Sabine.
Johnny: Yeah.
Dutch: It’s Sabine in a bag.
Johnny: Yes.
Dutch: Johnny, why did you bring me Sabine in a bag?
Johnny: Not a lot of better options.
Dutch: Oh I think when you’re in girl in bag territory you skipped way the hells past better choices. What is going on?
D’avin: She’s a Six.

Johnny: You know what? This is none of your business Bell. I can take a solitary warrant if I want to. I don’t have to explain myself to you.
Bellus: You’re right. As you were. Hey, whatever you’re up to. They deserve better from you.

Turin: I gotta go dark for a while. Clean house. You and your team are on your own.
Dutch: You’re taking Sabine then, right?
Turin: Can’t do it. Her people will probably send the Black Root for her here.
Dutch: Khlyen mentioned them. What are they?
Turin: They’re like a secret police of the Sixes. Keep their people in line.

D’avin: I let Sabine go. I know you’re not gonna agree…
Dutch: Stop. I can’t hear you over the knife in my back.
D’avin: Dutch.
D’avin: She’s Black Root. She’s not some Level Six guardian angel with boobs, or whatever the hells you thought she was.. Khlyen didn’t send her to watch us. She was using us to find Khlyen.

Dutch: Hey Betty Beheady, what is this?
Sabine: We call it a dreadnought. It’s an execution stick for Sixes.

Remember not everyone has a happy ending. So be happy when you can.


Dutch: Of course you’ve got the plasma, you’re a Level Six!
Romwell: Those troublemakers the RAC sends around the J? Please.

Pawter: So everything’s good then?
Johnny: Never better. Why?
Pawter: Because you’re lying to D’av and Dutch… and going rogue against the Company.
Johnny: Oh, that.
Pawter: That.
Johnny: Once we bring the wall down they’ll understand. It’ll all be worth it.

My tutor didn’t just teach me that song. He taught me to kill. I killed for years. He let me believe that my wedding would be the end of it. When I was married, I’d be free. That’s what I was trading for. Every time I poisoned someone or cut their throat… Freedom. On the day of my wedding he told me this was an instrument of murder. With my husband his target. He stole back my freedom, and no one will ever steal that from me again.


Johnny: I think that’s how the plasma works. It adapts to whatever organism it encounters. It bonds into something new.
D’avin: Is that what they were trying to do to me on Arkyn? Get it to bond?
Johnny: Yeah and when it bonds, it changes.

Pawter: So everything’s good then?
Johnny: Never better. Why?
Pawter: Because you’re lying to D’av and Dutch… and going rogue against the Company.
Johnny: Oh, that.
Pawter: That.
Johnny: Once we bring the wall down they’ll understand. It’ll all be worth it.

D’avin: Is that Lucy?
Johnny: Ah, sort of a stripped down version. More like an app.
Lucy: I don’t have all my logic and database functions, but I seem to have opposable thumbs.
Johnny: It is extremely weird hearing your voice coming out of that bot.

Dutch: Khlyen said the plasma is key. We need to find out what it does to people. What it is. Any idea where we can find some?
D’avin: There is one possibility, but Johnny’s not gonna like it.

Lucy: Will you kiss me, John?
Johnny: What? Why?
Lucy: If you die that may be my only chance to gather that sensory input.
Johnny: That’s not a good reason.
Lucy: This may be your only chance to kiss a robot.
D’avin: Oh buddy, no.

Look here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re going to get the order of exile rescinded and then I am going to take you to this little place on Leith to celebrate.



Marris Jaqobis, we need to talk about your son D’avin.


Pawter: You know, most parents would be proud to have a doctor in the family.
Adaline: Most families aren’t The Nine, and those who are have a duty to do more than treat tummy aches.

Dutch: How are you even here?
Khlyen: The plasma acts as a conduit between connected minds. Among other things.

Hank: Ah, we have a ritual for leaving.
Johnny: Yeah but I’m not from Qresh, so I don’t give a shit.

Dutch: I took your advice, I’m not bugging him while he’s on his escort with princess pouty.
D’avin: Good for you.
Dutch: I don’t see why he’s so wrapped up in Pawter.
D’avin: Have you met boobs?
Dutch: Shut up. Johnny’s not like that.
D’avin: Have you met Johnny?

 Pawter: There used to be a family of four in this picture.
 Johnny: Points for being thorough.

Dutch: I took your advice, I’m not bugging him while he’s on his escort with princess pouty.
D’avin: Good for you.
Dutch: I don’t see why he’s so wrapped up in Pawter.
D’avin: Have you met boobs?
Dutch: Shut up. Johnny’s not like that.
D’avin: Have you met Johnny?

Look here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re going to get the order of exile rescinded and then I am going to take you to this little place on Leith to celebrate.


Hank: Ah, we have a ritual for leaving.
Johnny: Yeah but I’m not from Qresh, so I don’t give a shit.

Turin: I know where RED 17’s last transmission went.
Dutch: Definitely not interrupting. Where?
Turin: Prodigy school. Quadrant 4.
D’av: Prodigy school?
Dutch: School for gifted Westie kids.

The company’s building a cage for this entire moon. I can’t just sit by and watch. You work at the RAC. I don’t want to get you in trouble.


John: What is it?
Pawter: DNA. Amino acids. Proteins. We found the kids Johnny. This is all that’s left of them.

Dutch: I need Johnny on his game, Pawter is just a distraction. The kind of girl who…


D’avin: Sleeps with her patients.
Dutch: Fuses a bomb to the chest of the most dangerous man in Westerley. She could get Johnny hurt.

Congrats Delle Seyah, your baby evil overlord takes right after you.


Dutch: Let’s give her what she wants. Our turn to draw her out.
Delle Seyah: Are you seriously proposing to use me as bait?
Dutch: You want Chambers, step up.
Delle Seyah: We’re done here.

Dutch: I need you to help him unlock whatever is in his head, but no one can know about it.
Alvis: I’m very good at keeping confessions. Comes with the sexy robes.

Look, that’s what makes us a great team. You lead. I shoot. Johnny gives a shit.

Being Human Quotes
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Being Human Quotes


Annie: [Opens front door] Hello!
Pizza Delivery Boy: 12 inch Mess of Meats.
Annie: Oh, thank you.
Mitchell: Great. Keep the change.


Annie: So who wants tea?
George: Ugh.
Annie: What?
George: You keep making tea! Every surface is covered with cups of tea and coffee. I go to make myself some tea and I can’t! There’s no mugs, there’s no tea, it’s all been made! And you can’t even drink it! You can’t drink it, but you keep making it! Oh, oh, oh my god, it’s driving me INSANE!
Annie: Oh, well, I like my routine, it makes me feel normal.
George: You’re a ghost!
Annie: Yeah, OK.


George: My name is George and I’m a werewolf.
Mitchell: Hello George.

Annie: Maybe he’s had a blow to the head.
George: I’m sorry?
Annie: Happened to my Nan. She got hit in the head by a radio controlled plane at a county fair. From that moment – obsessed with pygmy goats.
George: There wasn’t a single bit of that sentence I understood.


Mitchell: I never know with you whether its Jewish guilt, or Werewolf guilt.
George: They’re pretty much the same thing.

Gilbert: It’s death for no reason, and death for no reason is murder.

George: Oh no, it just occurred to me. I was on the jaws of a change when me and Nina… you know. I had the wolf in me.
Mitchell: [to Annie] So did Nina.

George: Who keeps their rotten tomatoes? Who looks in their salad cooler, sees their tomatoes are on the turn and thinks ‘oh no, no I’ll hang on to those in case some paedos move in opposite’?

George: That was pathetic! We were like the world’s gayest ninjas.

Mitchell: Annie! Get away from here!
Annie: No! I’m not going to leave you!
George: Annie, just go! [Flashes his Star of David at Seth]
Seth: That’s not going to work this time, Digby. There’s too many of us.
Mitchell: Let them go, Seth. If you let them go, I swear I won’t run.
Seth: [ripping sound is heard] Ow…
Lauren: Well, he won’t be staring at my tits when he speaks to me anymore.

George: Someone actually recruited an old woman?
Herrick: You know what it’s like. You’re out and about, you get the munchies. You’ll eat anything.

George: Humanity is about love, and sacrifice. This does not rob me of my humanity. It proves it.

Lucy: Puncture marks in the neck, body exsanguinated – drained of blood. Now, what could that be? Ladies and gentlemen, somewhere in Bristol is a gay vampire.
Nurse: Count Spectacular.
Lucy: Mince of Darkness.
Policeman: I bet he’d like to see *my* full moon.

Lucy: If you see the guy I declared dead walking round… kill him!

Molly: Do you like cats?
George: Yeah. Couldn’t eat a whole one, though.
George: [to himself] Who am I kidding? Course I could!

Ivan: Take a drink. Only alcohol tonight, I’m afraid – none of the hard stuff.



Addams Family Quotes


The Addams Family (1964) Quotes

Lurch: [about the new robot, Smiley that was built to use as an assistant] Smiley… wants my job. They like him better. That tin… jug. [sits on a chair] It’s unfair. [Thing shows from a box holding a sheet, Lurch takes it] Thank you, Thing. I’m… through. I’m… finished. [Thing makes a “no you’re not” gesture by shaking his index finger] What can I do? [Thing makes a fist and moves rapidly upward twice, makes an impression of slapping, and collapses] Thank… you. You’re a real friend, Thing.

Gomez Addams: [building a robot] Wrench!
Uncle Fester: [assisting him] Wrench!
Gomez Addams: Pliers!
Uncle Fester: Pliers!
Gomez Addams: Screwdriver!
Uncle Fester: Screwdriver! [he gives him a Screwdriver cocktail]
Gomez Addams: [drinks] Delicious!

Jack LaLanne: Say, what do you generally eat?
Uncle Fester: Oh, the usual thing. Eye of newt, puree of aardvark, roast yak.
Jack LaLanne: You know, they say we’re what we eat. And mister, you really are!

Morticia Addams: [watching Fester exercise to Jack LaLanne] What is Uncle Fester doing, Gomez?
Gomez Addams: Either he’s dancing to the late late show or he’s exercising to the early early show.

Gomez Addams: I’m already married to Morticia!
Don Xavier: You are already married to your sister?
Gomez Addams: Sister?
Don Xavier: Si!
Morticia Frump Addams: Who?
Don Xavier: He!
Gomez Addams: Me?
Morticia Addams: I am not his sister! We’re husband and wife!
Don Xavier: Husband and wife? You make insult!
Morticia Addams: Who?
Don Xavier: He!
Gomez Addams: Me?
Don Xavier: Si!
Grandmama Addams: Gee!

Gomez: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes?
Morticia: No. Besides, my eyes are blue.
Gomez: No wonder nobody’s ever told you!

Lurch: Uuuuuuuuhhhhh!
Cousin Itt: What do you mean by that, Lurch?
Lurch: Just “uuuuuuuuhhhhh”!

Gomez Addams: Strangest fish I ever saw!
Morticia Addams: Darling, it’s Mama’s dress shoe!
Gomez Addams: Ah, so it is… Ah, still, it’s the biggest thing I ever caught. Two pounds if it’s an ounce. An indoor record!

Morticia Addams: Gomez, darling, what would we do if a Martian did land right here?
Gomez Addams: We’d do what any red-blooded American would do. Run!
Morticia Addams: True.

Gomez Addams: [Hands Commissioner Fiske a check for a donation to the zoo] Here you are, sir. One hundred fifty thousand dollars and twenty cents.
Park Commissioner Fiske: Twenty cents?
Gomez Addams: I threw in your car fare.
Park Commissioner Fiske: Thank you! Thank you Uncle Fester! Thank you, Mrs. Addams! Thank you, Mr. Addams and thank you [shaking Thing’s outstretched hand]… uhhh ewwww ewwwwwhhh [shakes his head in disbelief and runs out the door]
Morticia Addams: You’re quite right, darling. He should slow down.

Dr. Milford: Most unusual… most unusual…

Lurch: I’m a wallflower.
Gomez Addams: What?
Lurch: I can’t dance.
Gomez Addams: Oh, it’s so simple. You can learn in no time. [snapping his fingers in time] “Come, and trip it as ye go, / On the light fantastick toe”. Shakespeare!
Morticia Addams: [snaps her fingers] Milton!

Morticia Addams: My name is Mrs. Addams, and I want you to find my little girl Wednesday.
Sgt. Haley: Look, I’ll find her Tuesday, if I can, but don’t give me no deadlines, will you please?
Morticia Addams: Wednesday is her name.
Sgt. Haley: Oh, and I suppose you’re gonna tell me her middle name is Thursday, huh?
Morticia Addams: Friday.

Gomez: TISH. That’s French.

Wednesday: Either that’s Grandmamma or Santa Claus is a woman.
Pugsley: Either that or Grandmama’s a man.

Wednesday: Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn’t believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies. Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.

Wednesday: Uncle Fester, do you believe in Santa Claus?
Uncle Fester: Well, of course. You kids are talking like children.

Lurch: [gong] You rang?

Gomez: The L stands for Lucifer.
Morticia: Very appropriate for a politician.

Morticia: [siren] Mail’s in.

Lurch: [on why he won’t go to the Butlers’ Ball] I’m a wallflower.

Morticia: Look at Mr. Addams. He’s always developing outside interests.
Gomez: Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner’s reports in the neighborhood.

Gomez: Pugsley, take your toad out of here. Things like this upset him.

Wednesday: It’ll be fun.
Lurch: I like being miserable.
Wednesday: You might find a nice girl to be miserable with.

Morticia: Mr. Addams’ treatment for Grandmama’s back had the whole medical world agog.
Gomez: Agog? Aghast.

Gomez: I’m quite proud of Mrs. Addams’ hothouse. She’s raised these plants from tiny weeds.

Gomez: Somebody… down there… likes me!

Morticia: [to Gomez] I’ve been yours since that first day you carved my initials in your leg.

Morticia: Think of Romeo and Juliet.
Gomez: They died!
Morticia: Oh, but what fun they had those last three days.


Pugsley: Mother! Father! Wednesday’s flown the coop!
Gomez: Talk sense boy.
Pugsley: She’s run away from home.
Gomez: Really? Very adventurous spirit. I didn’t run away from home until I was eight.
Morticia: That’s ridiculous.
Pugsley: She even left a note. I helped her write it. [Hands note to Morticia]
Morticia: [reading] “Dear Mother and Father, I hate you. Love, Wednesday. P.S. Don’t bother looking for me because I’m not anywhere. Goodbye, W.”

Gomez: Now, if you’ll observe, my dear, croquet is a combination of TWO things: balance, timing, peripheral vision, superb coordination, and a killer’s instinct!

Gomez: [while speaking to a political candidate] I love a man with integrity – I wish I knew one.

Gomez: [into a telephone] What’s the good word? [inaudible response] Surely you can think of a better word than that…

Grandmama Addams: [Brandishing a battleaxe] I haven’t used this baby since the taxman was here!

Uncle Fester: Shoot ’em in the back!

Lurch: UH-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-UH!

Gomez: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes?
Morticia: No. Besides, my eyes are blue.
Gomez: No wonder nobody’s ever told you!

Morticia: Why, thank you, Thing!
Firefly quotes
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Episode 1: Serenity (1) & (2)

Mal: “We’re not gonna die. We can’t die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so…very…pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.”

Wash: “Everything looks good from here… (beat…playing with plastic dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will thrive.”

(as Stegosaurus) “We will rule over all this land, and we will call it… ‘This Land’.” (as T-Rex) “I think we should call it…your grave!”

(Stegosaurus) “Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!”

(T-Rex) “Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh…now die!”

Mal: “I don’t believe there’s a power in the ‘verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful.” (he smiles at her, never stopping working) “Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.”

Jayne: “Ten percent of nuthin’ is…let me do the math here…nuthin’ into nuthin’…carry the nuthin’…”

Mal: “If anyone gets nosy, just…you know… shoot ’em. ”
Zoe: “Shoot ’em?”
Mal: “Politely.”

Book: “I brought you some supper but if you’d prefer a lecture, I’ve a few very catchy ones prepped…sin and hellfire… one has lepers.”

Jayne: “Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?”
Mal: “I’m standing right here.”
Jayne: “You’re coming through good and loud.”
Mal: ” ‘Cause I’m standing right here.”

Mal: “Well, you were right about this being a bad idea.” Zoe: “Thanks for sayin’, sir.”

Episode 3: The Train Job

Mal: “I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind you.” (Zoe punches the thug out) “Drunks are so cute.”

Mal: (into com) “Wash, we’ve got some local color happening. Your grand entrance would not go amiss right now.”

(Zoe, Mal, and Jayne are backed up against the edge of a cliff by a bunch of drunken brawlers)
Mal: “There’s just an acre of you fellas, ain’t there?” (to Zoe) “This is why we lost, you know. Superior numbers.”
Zoe: “Thanks for the re-enactment, sir.”

Mal: “Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on occasion, hilarious.”

Mal: “Well, what about you, Shepherd? How come you’re flying about with us brigands? I mean, shouldn’t you be off bringing religiosity to the Fuzzie-Wuzzies or some such?”
Book: “Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here.”
Mal: “If I’m your mission, Shepherd, best give it up. You’re welcome on my boat. God ain’t.”

Inara: (pissed) “What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?”
Mal: “That it was manly and impulsive?”
Inara: “Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was ‘don’t’.”

Mal: “And Kaylee, what the hell’s goin’ on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?”

Jayne: “Time for some thrilling heroics.”

Jayne: “These are stone killers, little man. They ain’t cuddly like me.”

Jayne: “Do you know what the chain of command is here? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who’s in command.”

Episode 4: Bushwhacked

Zoe: “Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something.”
Wash: (alarmed) “Oh my god. What can it be? We’re all doomed! Who’s flying this thing!?” (deadpan) “Oh right, that would be me. Back to work.”

Mal: “It’s a real burn, being right so often.”

Kaylee: “Looks like they’ve jerry-rigged it with a pressure catch. It’s the only thing that’d work with all these spare parts. We could probably bypass that easy, we get to the DC line.”
Mal: “You tell me right now, little Kaylee, you really think you can do this?”
Kaylee: “Sure. Yeah. I think so. ‘Sides, if I mess up, not like you’ll be able to yell at me.”

Alliance Commander: “You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?”
Zoe: “Fought with a lot of people in the war.”
Alliance Commander: “And your husband?”
Zoe: “Fight with him sometimes, too.”

Alliance Commander: “Seems odd you’d name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.”
Mal: “May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.”

Jayne: “You saved his gorram life, he still takes the cargo. Hwoon dahn.” [Hwoon dahn = “jerk”]
Mal: “He had to…. Couldn’t let us profit. Wouldn’t be civilized.”


Episode 5: Shindig

Wash: (Off an alarm sounding from the console) “Closing in.”
Zoe: “Planet’s coming up a mite fast.”
Wash: “That’s just cause I’m going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.”
Mal: “Well, that happens, let me know.”

Kaylee: (pointing to a pink frilly dress) “Say, look at the fluffy one!”
Zoe: “Too much foofaraw. If I’m going to wear a dress, I’d want something with some slink.”
Wash: “You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?”
Jayne: “I’ll chip in.”
Zoe: (to Jayne) “I can hurt you.”

Mal: “Does, uh… does this seem kind of tight?”
Kaylee: “Shows off your backside. Did you see the chandelier? It’s hovering.”

Kaylee: “These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I– how ’bout that!”
Mal: “Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to buy that frippery, and you’re supposed to make me look respectable.”
Kaylee: “Yessir, Captain Tight Pants.”

Mal: “Okay, help me find our man; he’s supposed to be older. Kind of stocky, wears a red sash crossways.”
Kaylee: “Why does he do that?”
Mal: “Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant. Just help me look.”

Harrow: “I know him. And I think he’s a psychotic lowlife.”
Mal: “And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community.”

Inara: “Attack.” (Mal lunges at her with sword; she sidesteps and swats him on the butt; he grunts in pain) “How did I avoid that?”
Mal: “By being fast like a freak?”

Harrow: “You have to finish it, lad. You have to finish it. For a man to lay beaten… and yet breathing? It makes him a coward.”
Inara: “It’s humiliation.”
Mal: “Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I’m just a good man. (stabs him again) Well, I’m all right.”

Harrow: “You didn’t have to wound the man.”
Mal: “Yeah, I know, it was just funny.”

Inara: “Thank you for the wine. It’s very… fresh.”
Mal: “To Kaylee, and her inter-engine fermentation system.”

Inara: “Are you in pain?”
Mal: “Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know. Right here.”
Inara: “I saw.”
Mal: “Don’t care much for fancy parties. Too rough.”
Inara: “It wasn’t entirely a disaster.”
Mal: “I got stabbed! Right here!”

Episode 6: Safe

Mal: “So, she’s added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.”
Simon: “It’s just a bad day.”
Mal: “No, a bad day is when someone’s yellin’ spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It’s kind of like a…a meat grinder. And it’ll lose us half the herd.”
Simon: “She hasn’t gone anywhere near the cattle.”
Mal: “No, but in case you hadn’t noticed, her voice kinda carries. We’re two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed.” (to River) “Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn’t.”
River: “The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.”
Mal: (to Simon) “See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.”

Book: “That bad?”
Zoe: “Battle wounds are nothing new to me, preacher. I’ve seen men live with a dozen holes in ’em this size.”
Book: “That right?”
Zoe: “Surely is. Knew a man once who had a hole clean through his whole shoulder. Used to keep a spare hankie in there.”

Jayne: (mock reading Simon’s journal) “Dear Diary…today I was pompous and my sister was crazy.” (flips page) “Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk never to be seen again. It was the best day ever.”

Kaylee: “Well, we’re headed for help… right?”
Zoe: “Captain will come up with a plan.”
Kaylee: “That’s good. Right?”
Zoe: “Possibly you’re not recalling some of his previous plans.”

Zoe: “You sanguine about the kind of reception we’re apt to receive on an Alliance ship, Cap’n?”
Mal: “Absolutely.” (beat) “What’s ‘sanguine’ mean?”
Zoe: ” ‘Sanguine’. Hopeful. Plus — point of interest — it also means ‘bloody’.”
Mal: “Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don’t it?”

Book: “I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God.”
Mal: “No, they don’t. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged.”

Mal: “Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. Whaddya suppose that makes us?”
Zoe: “Big damn heroes, sir.”
Mal: “Ain’t we just!”

Mal: “Y’all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? Now I’m not saying you weren’t easy to find but it was kinda out of our way, and he didn’t want to come in the first place. Man’s lookin’ to kill some folk. So really, it’s his will y’all should worry about thwarting.” (to Simon) “Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin’ folk is near miraculous.”
Simon: “Yes, I’m very proud.”

Mal: “Cut her down.”
Villager: “The girl is a witch.”
Mal: “Yeah, but she’s our witch-” (cocks gun, points it at him) “-so cut her the hell down.”

Simon: “So finally…a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I’m sorry.”
Mal: “Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.”

Episode 7: Our Mrs. Reynolds

Bandit #1: “And I think maybe you’re gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.”
(Husband) Jayne: “Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.”
(Wife) Mal: “How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?”
(Husband) Jayne: “If I could make you purtier, I would.”
(Wife) Mal: “You are not the man I met a year ago.” (they suddenly draw their guns on the bandits, Mal slowly pulling his bonnet off)
Mal: “Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now. They wouldn’t mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet: I will end you.”

Inara: “So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn’t in the dress?”
Mal: “Tactics, woman! Needed her in the back. ‘Sides, them soft cotton dresses feel kind of nice. There’s a whole airflow.”
Inara: “And you would know that because…?”
Mal: “You can’t open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I’m a mystery.”
Inara: “Best keep it that way. I withdraw the question.”

Mal: “Zoe, would you get Wash?”
Zoe: “This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.”
Mal: “‘All?’ I said Wash.”
Zoe: “Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.”
Mal: “There’s no bliss. I don’t know this girl!”
Jayne: “Then can I know her?”
Zoe: “Jayne, don’t sully this!”
Mal: “You are going to be cleaning out latrines with your face if you don’t cut that out.”

Book: “If you take sexual advantage of her, you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.”

Mal: “I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume I’m an evil, lecherous hump.”
Zoe: “No one’s saying that, sir.”
Wash: “Yeah, we’re pretty much just giving each other significant glances and laughing incessantly.”

Mal: “Are you offering me a trade?”
Jayne: “A trade!? Hell, it’s theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It’s miles more worthy than what you got.”
Mal: “What I got? She has a name.”
Jayne: “So does this!” (caresses the gun lovingly) “I call it Vera.”
Mal: “Well, my days of taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”

Jayne: “See, Vera? Dress yourself up you get taken out somewhere fun.”

Saffron: “You gonna kill me?”
Mal: “Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to?”
Saffron: “I didn’t kill you.”
Mal: “You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys you nothing.”
Saffron: (smiles) “I made you dinner.”


Episode 8: Jaynestown

Mal: “You wanna tell me how come there’s a statue of you here, looking at me like I owe him something?”
Jayne: “Wishin’ I could, Captain.”
Mal: “No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me–?”
Jayne: “Look, Mal, I got no ruttin’ idea. I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They don’t…put you on a pedestal in town square for that.”
Mal: “Yeah, but I’m looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do.”
Simon: (staring at the statue) “This must be what going mad feels like.”
Jayne: “Uh, hey, I got a idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art critic ’til I get pinched by the man, how’s about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work, and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day. How’s that?”

Book: “What are we up to, sweetheart?”
River: “Fixing your Bible.”
Book: “I, um…(alarmed)…what?”
River: “Bible’s broken. Contradictions, false logistics – doesn’t make sense.” (she’s marked up the bible, crossed out passages)
Book: “No, no. You – you can’t…
River: “So we’ll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God’s creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah’s ark is a problem.”
Book: “Really?”
River: “We’ll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.” (rips out page)

Mal: “So, that’s where the little ‘Jayne Day Celebration’ we got planned comes in. Should give us enough time to get the goods back onto Serenity.”
Jayne: “I don’t know. You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?”
Mal: “You better laugh when you say that.”
Jayne: “No really, Mal, I mean, maybe there’s something to this. The Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know — me, Jayne Cobb.”
Mal: “I know your name, jackass.”

Episode 9: Out of Gas

Zoe: “You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?”
Mal: “What? Come on, seriously, Zoe. Whaddya think?”
Zoe: “Honestly, sir? I think you got robbed.”
Mal: “Robbed? What? No. What do you mean?”
Zoe: “It’s a piece of fei-oo.” [fei-oo. = junk]
Mal: “Fei-oo? Okay, she won’t be winning any beauty contests anytime soon. But she’s solid. Ship like this, be with ya ’til the day you die.”
Zoe: “Cause it’s a deathtrap.”

Mal: “Which one do you figured tracked us?”
Zoe: “The ugly one, sir.”
Mal: (beat) “Could you be more specific?”

Mal: “Looks can be deceiving.”
Jayne: “Not as deceiving as a lowdown, dirty… deceiver.”
Mal: “Well said. Wasn’t that well said, Zoe?”
Zoe: “Had a kind of poetry to it, sir.”

Mal: “I mean, let’s say you did kill us… or didn’t. There could be torture – whatever – but somehow, you found the goods. What would your cut be?”
Jayne: “Seven percent, straight off the top.”
Mal: “Seven? Oh.”
Jayne: “What?”
Mal: “Hm? Nothing. Not a thing. No, I just… (to Zoe) does that seem low to you?”
Zoe: “It does, sir.”
Jayne: “That ain’t low.”
Head Robber: “Stop it!”
Jayne: “Seven percent, standard.”
Mal: (laughs) “Okay. Zoe, I’m paying you too much.”

Episode 10: Ariel

Jayne: (remarking on the unappetizing meal Simon’s made for himself) “Smells like crotch.”

Wash: “You know, it’s all very sweet, stealing from the rich, selling to the poor…”

Kaylee: “Figures. First time on the Core and what do I get to do? Dig through trash.”

Mal: “Patients were cynical and not responding and we couldn’t bring ’em back-“
Simon: “They were cyanotic and not responsive.”

Simon: (to Jayne) “What about cortical electrodes?”
Jayne: “Oh…” (obviously doesn’t know the answer) “We forgot ’em.”

Mal: “Pupils were fixed and dilapidated-“
Simon: “Dialated-“
Mal: “Dialated! Dialated! Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!” [Ching-wah tsao duh liou mahng = Frog-humping sonofabitch]

Mal: “Now all we need is a coupla patients.”
Simon: “Corpses, actually. For this plan to work, River and I will have to be dead.”
Jayne: (smiling) “I’m starting to like this plan.”

Mal: “Two lefts, two rights, and we’re there. You see anyone, smile.”
Zoe: “I don’t think anyone smiles in hospitals.”
Mal: “Course they do, it’s the Core. Everyone’s rich and happy here, why wouldn’t they smile?”

Pompous Doctor: “Walk with me a minute.”
Mal: “Where’re we going?” (Zoe sneaks away, around and behind the doctor)
Pompous Doctor: “You see this badge? It says ‘doctor’. I say walk, you walk.”
Mal: “Yeah but, where’re we going?”
Pompous Doctor: “You must be new.” (Zoe walks up behind him) “Don’t get comfortable, your type never lasts long around here. When your supervisor hears about the rude and disrespect–ARGH!!!” (falls to the ground, unconscious, revealing Zoe standing behind him with defib paddles)
Zoe: (shrugs) “Clear.”

River: (cryptically to Jayne) “Your toes are in the sand.”
Jayne: “And your head’s up your-“
Simon: “Hey! Back off!”

Zoe: “Can we find someplace with a beach?”
Wash: (grinning and skipping to her) “Maybe a naked beach?” (they kiss)
Mal: “Cut it out. Job’s not done ’til we’re back on Serenity.”
Zoe: “Sorry, sir, didn’t mean to enjoy the moment.”

River: (cryptically to Jayne) “They took Christmas away.”
Jayne: (confused) “What the hell now?”
River: “Came downstairs for the shiny presents…they took the tree, and the stockings…nothing left but coal.”
Jayne: (to Simon) “Would you shut her up?”
River: (to Jayne) “Don’t look in the closet, either — it’s greedy.” (smiles) “It’s not in the spirit of the holiday.”
Jayne: “You shut the hell up right now or so help me, I’ll shut you up.”

Kaylee: “Hey there, Inara! How was your checkup?”
Inara: “Same as last year. What’s going on?”
Kaylee: (cheerfully) “Oh well let’s see…we killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and the Cap’n and Zoe are springin’ the others got snatched by the feds.”

Mal: “Hey! How was your thing?”
Inara: “As advertised — lots of needles and cold exam tables. I heard you had some excitement.”
Mal: “Oh, nothin’ much — lotsa runnin’ round, little gunplay…couple needles.”

Simon: “He was amazing! (to Jayne) “We wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for you.”
Jayne: “Well, uh…you’re part of my crew.”
Mal: (sarcastic) “I think I might cry.”

Episode 11: War Stories

Book: “Yes, I’d forgotten you’re moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?”
Simon: “No. But I’m thinking about growing a big black mustache. I’m a traditionalist.”

Mal: “Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.” (to Kaylee and River) “Shut up!”

Wash: “And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the highlight of this little adventure.”
Zoe: “Is there any way I’m gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?”
Wash: “You’re pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes.”

Wash: “Didn’t want you taking off without me. In fact, didn’t want you taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead. Me and the Captain.”
Mal: “The Captain who’s standing right here telling you that’s not gonna happen?”
Wash: “Well, it’s a dangerous mission, sir. I can’t stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can’t take that right now.”
Mal: “Okay, um, I’m lost. Uh, I’m angry, and I’m armed, so if you two have something that you need to work out –“

Wash: (to a departing Zoe) “Bye, hon! We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas!” (sits down, starts the engines, then to Mal) “So, are we gonna sing army songs or something?”

Wash: “Hey, I’ve been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire.” (beat) “Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity.”

Wash: “I don’t want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what’s happening, then you tell me. You wouldn’t spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting and possibly scheming. So whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do. Do you know why? No matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back with the stories. So… I’m Zoe. Now, what do I do?”
Mal: “Probably not talk quite so much.”
Wash: “Right. Less talking. She’s terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic.”

Wash: “I mean, I’m the one she swore to love, honor and obey.”
Mal: “Listen…” (beat) “She swore to obey?”
Wash: “Well, no, not… But that’s just my point! You she obeys! She obeys you! There’s obeying going on right under my nose!”

Zoe: “Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Book: “Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.”

Episode 12: Trash

Monty: “Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a million pieces! You made me love you, and then y– I SHAVED MY BEARD FOR YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!”

Mal: “Woman, you are completely off your nut.”

Jayne: “Woah there, Cap’n…tell me you didn’t get into a fight with Monty.”
Kaylee: “Really? But I thought we loved Monty!” (to Zoe, uncertain) “Don’t we love Monty?”
Zoe: “Sweetie, if he had a tussle with that sasquatch, we’d be in the dirt right about now, scoopin’ up the Captain’s teeth.”

Mal: “Well this is one of the crazier things I’ve heard today and when I tell you about the rest of my day, you’ll appreciate…”

Mal: “Hey, no, we’ll just set course for Planet of the Lonely, Rich, and Appropriately Hygienic Man. I’ll just tell Wash, we can park there for a month.”

Inara: “Right. You’re a criminal mastermind. What was the last cargo we snuck past the Alliance to transport?”
Mal: “We made a perfectly good piece-“
Inara: “What was the cargo?”
Mal: “They were dolls.”
Inara: “They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!”

Mal: “Petty?”
Inara: “I didn’t mean petty.”
Mal: “What did you mean?”
Inara: “Suo-shee?”
Mal: “That’s Chinese for petty.”

Jayne: “Captain says you’re to stay put. Doesn’t want you runnin’ afoul of his blushin’ psychotic bride. She figures out who you are, she’ll turn you in ‘fore you can say… ‘don’t turn me in, lady’.”

River: (looking at Jayne) “She’s a liar.”
Jayne: “That don’t exactly set her apart from the rest of us. And the plunder sounds fun enough.”
River: “She’s a liar and no good will come of her.”
Jayne: “Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain’t to be trusted.”
River: “Jayne is a girl’s name.”

Jayne: “She starts on that ‘girl’s name’ thing, I’m gonna show her good an’ all I got man parts.”
Simon: “I’m trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It’s just not coming.”

River: “Also? I can kill you with my brain.”

Saffron: “He’s my husband.”
Mal: “Well who in the damn galaxy ain’t?”

Mal: “I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta move.”

Saffron: “I should’ve killed Durran.”
Mal: “Right. The one guy that don’t have it coming. The man who knows you and still loves you, treachery and all. Can’t have him walking about.”

Saffron: “You won’t tell anyone about me breaking down?
Mal: “I won’t.”
Saffron: “Then I won’t tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your holster.”
Mal: “I’d take that as a kindness.”

Episode 13: The Message

Wash: “Oh my god, it’s grotesque! Oh, and there’s something in a jar.”

Zoe: “Scared her away again, did you?”
Simon: “This may come as a shock, but I’m actually not very good at talking to girls.”
Zoe: “Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?”

Wash: (to a jar with a cow fetus, mock-serious) “Do not fear me. Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony…”

River: (trying to eat an ‘ice-planet’) “My food is problematic.”

Jayne: “I got post?”
Book: “Might we all want to step back a few paces before he opens that?”
Jayne: “Ha ha. It’s from my mother.”

Jayne: (wearing ugly homemade hat) “How’s it sit? Pretty cunning, don’tchya think?”
Kaylee: “I think it’s the sweetest hat ever.”
Book: “Makes a statement.”
Jayne: “Yeah, yeah!”
Wash: “A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he’s not afraid of anything.”
Jayne: “Damn straight.”

Tracey: “Thanks. Didn’t know you were there.”
Zoe: “That’s sort of the point. Stealth, you may have heard of it.”
Tracey: “I don’t think they covered that in basic.”
Zoe: “Well, at least they covered ‘Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans and get yourself shot’.”
Tracey: “Yeah, I got a badge in that.” (seriously) “Won’t happen again.”
Zoe: “It does, I’m just gonna watch.”

Mal: “Oh! That was bracing. They don’t like it when you shoot at them. I worked that out myself.”

Mal: “Vitelli’s out of it. That bumblebee laid down arms at the first sign of inevitable crushing defeat, can you imagine such a cowardly creature?”

Jayne: “We’re taking him on board?”
Mal: “We are.”
Jayne: “Don’t figure the percentage in that.”
Mal: “Don’t strain your brain trying, then. Might break something.”

Episode 14: Heart of Gold

Mal: “You know, it ain’t altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he’s handling his weapon.”
Inara: “I’m sure I’ve heard that said. But perhaps the dining area isn’t the place for this sort of thing?”
Mal: “What do you mean? Only place with a table big enough.”
Inara: “Of course. In that case…” (rearranges guns) “Every well-bred petty crook knows — the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting.”

Mal: “This distress call wouldn’t be taking place in someone’s pants, would it?”
Inara: “It sounds like the sort of thing this crew can handle. I can’t guarantee they’ll handle it particularly well, but-“
Nandi: “If they got guns, and brains at all…”
Inara: “They have guns.”

Zoe: “No one’s gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated — this job’s strictly speculative.”
Jayne: “Good. ‘Cause I don’t know these folks, don’t much care to.”
Mal: “They’re whores.”
Jayne: “I’m in.”

Mal: “Any friend of Inara’s is a strictly business-like relationship of mine.”

Jayne: (calls out from across the room) “Can I start gettin’ sexed already?”
Mal: “Well, that’s one kind of horrific.”

Kaylee: “Everybody’s got somebody…” (wistfully) “Wash, tell me I’m pretty…”
Wash: “Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.”
Kaylee: ” ‘Cause I’m pretty?”
Wash: ” ‘Cause you’re pretty.”
Kaylee: “Thank you. That was very restorative.”

Mal: “Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?”
Inara: “Will you wash it first?”

Mal: “Well, lady I must say…” (admiring smile) “…you’re my kinda stupid.”

Kaylee: “Captain seem a little funny to you at breakfast this morning?”
Wash: “Come on, Kaylee. We all know I’m the funny one.”

Episode 15: Objects in Space

Mal: “When I want a lot of medical jargon, I’ll talk to a doctor.
Simon: “You are talking to a doctor.”
Mal: “Yeah, okay, my point is could’ve been you she might have shot just then. The doctor, as you just made note of. And who exactly could fix you? Not nobody. We’re deep in space, corner of No and Where. You take extra care with her…’cause we’re very much alone out here.”

Wash: “Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What’ll she do next?”
Zoe: “Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It’s a toss-up.”
Wash: “I hope she does the soup thing. It’s always a hoot, and we don’t all die from it.”

Mal: “But she does have an oddness to her. And I ain’t just talking about her proficiency with firearms. Girl knows things. Things she shouldn’t. Things she couldn’t.”
Jayne: “Wha-…are you-are you sayin’ she’s a witch?”
Wash: (sarcastically) “Yes, Jayne. She’s a witch. She has had congress with the beast.”
Jayne: “She’s in Congress?”
Wash: (amazed) “How did your brain even learn human speech? I’m just so curious.”

Wash: “Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.”
Zoe: “We live in a space ship, dear.”

Early: “You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I’ve ever had to transport. Yet by far the most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?”
Simon: “What’d he do?”
Early: “Who?”
Simon: “The midget.”
Early: “Arson. Little man loved fire.”

IPB Image

MOVIE: Serenity


Mal: “What was that?”
Wash: “Did you see that?”
Mal: “Was that the primary buffer panel?”
Wash: “Did seem to resem-“
Mal: “Did the primary buffer panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?!”

Wash: “Yeah well, if she doesn’t give us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burn through, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.”
Mal: “Define interesting.”
Wash: “Oh god oh god we’re all gonna die?”
Mal: “This is the captain. We have a…little problem with our engine sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then…explode.”

Mal: “Yeah well, just get us on the ground.”
Wash: “That part will happen pretty definitely.”

Jayne: “We’re gonna explode? I don’t wanna explode.”
Mal: “Jayne, how many weapons you plannin’ on takin’? You only got the two arms.”
Jayne: “Well I just excitable as to choice, like to have my options open.”
Mal: “I don’t plan on any shooting taking place during this job.”
Jayne: “Yeah well, what you plan and what takes place ain’t ever exactly been similar.”

Zoe: “Those grenades?”
Jayne: “Yeah, Cap’n don’t want ’em.”
Zoe: “Jayne, we’re robbing the place, we’re not occupying ’em.”

Mal: (ship shakes violently) “Kaylee, what in the spincter o’ hell you playing at?”

Mal: “Fear’s nothin’ to be ashamed of, doctor.”
Simon: “This isn’t fear. This is anger.”
Mal: “Well. Kinda hard to tell one from t’other, face like yours.”
Simon: “Well I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider.”
Mal: “Hmm. I’ll keep a look out for that next time.”

Mal: “I look out for me and mine. That don’t include you ‘less I conjure it does. Now you stuck a thorn in the Alliance’s paw — that tickles me a bit. But it also means I gotta step twice as fast to avoid ’em, and that means turnin’ down plenty of jobs. Even honest ones. Put this crew together with the promise of work, which the Alliance makes harder every year. Come a day there won’t be room for naughty men like us to slip about at all. This job goes south, there well not be another. So here’s us, on the raggedy edge.”

Mal: “Hey little one. Understand your part in all this?”
River: “Do you?”
Mal: “This is what I do, darlin’. This is what I do.”

Mal: “Quit fiddlin’. Have the boat run smooth when we get back.”
Kaylee: “Have faith, Cap’n.”
Mal: “Not today.”

Simon: “Now River, stay behind the others. If there’s fighting, you drop to the floor and run away.” (stage whispers) “It’s okay to leave them to die.”

Mal: “Doctor, I’m taking your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears.”

Jayne: “Shiny. Let’s be bad guys.”

Mal: “Y’all want to be lookin’ very intently at your own bellybuttons. See a head start to rise, violence is going to ensue. Probably guessed we mean to be thievin’ here but what we’re after’s not yours, so…let not have no undue fuss.”

Zoe: (sliding gun barrel alongside security guard’s face) “You know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed. You can look it up later.”

Zoe: (on mostly empty safe) “At last. We can retire and give up this life of crime.”

Mal: (to unseen guard in vault below) “Listen up! We’re comin’ down to empty that vault.”
Guard: “You have to give me your authorization password.” (Jayne points gun down the the stairwell and fires several rounds) “Okay.”

Mal: (negotiating with guard where to shoot him) “The leg is good. It’ll bleed plenty and we avoid any necessary organs.”
Guard: “I was thinking more of a graze?”
Mal: “Well you don’t want to look like you just gave up.”

Mal: (on Reaver ship coming up behind) “Faster! Faster! Faster would be better!”
Jayne: “You shoot me if they take me!” (sees Mal’s gun pointed at his leg) “Well don’t shoot me first!”

Simon: “River!”
River: “I swallowed a bug.”

Kaylee: (pushes aside severely injured Jayne, to Simon) “Are you okay?!”
Mal: (offended) “Is he okay?”

Simon: “Oh ‘one simple job, she’ll be fine’!”
Mal: “She is fine! ‘Cept for still bein’ crazy she’s the picture of health!”

Mal: “Mule won’t run with five. I shoulda dumped the girl, or you, or Jayne? Well, Jayne…”

Zoe: “Sir, I don’t disagree on any particular point. It’s just…in a time of war, we would’ve never left a man stranded.”
Mal: “Maybe that’s why we lost.”

Jayne: “I’ll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there’s a woman. Or if I’m gettin’ paid. Mostly when I’m gettin’ paid.”

Jayne: “Eating people alive? Where’s that get fun?”

Kaylee: (clearly upset) “Don’t talk to the barkers, talk to the captains. Look the captain in the eye, know who you’re dealin’ with.”
Simon: “I wish there was-” (Mal brushes past, glares)
Kaylee: “Shouldna be so clean. It’s a dead giveaway you don’t belong, you always gotta be tidy. Don’t pay anybody in advance. And don’t ride in anything with a Capasan-38 engine, they fall right outta the sky.”

Mal: “Kaylee, this is a place of business. We can talk about Simon-“
Kaylee: “When he’s four worlds away? Or the Alliance gets ahold of him and River?”
Mal: “That ain’t my worry. I gotta finish this job, get us another one. Can’t do that carryin’ those two.”
Kaylee: “How can you be so cold?”
Zoe: “Cap’n didn’t make them fugitives.”
Kaylee: “But he coulda made ’em family. ‘stead of keepin’ Simon from seein’ I was there. And I carried such a torch! And we coulda…goin’ on a year now and I ain’t had nothin’ twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!”
Mal: (horrified) “Oh God! I can’t know that!”
Jayne: “I could stand to hear more.”

Mal: “Fanti. Mingo.”
Mingo: “He’s Mingo”
Mal: “He’s Fanti, you’re Mingo.”
Mingo: “How is it you always know?”
Mal: “Fanti’s prettier.”

Wash: “Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety-pound girl, ’cause I don’t think that’s ever gettin’ old.”

Simon: “It’s a phrase, that makes her fall asleep. If I speak the words ‘eta chora-“
Jayne: (jumps out of his chair) “Don’t say it!”
Zoe: “It only works on her, Jayne.”
Jayne: “Well now I know that.”

Jayne: “No, not now that she’s a…a killer woman, we oughtta be bringin’ her tea and dumplings!”

Mal: “It’s of interest to me, how much you seem to know about that world.”
Book: “Wasn’t born a Shepherd, Mal.”
Mal: “You’ll have to tell me about that sometime.”
Book: “No. I don’t.”

Wash: “Inara…nice to see her again.”
Zoe: (beat) “So…trap?”
Mal: “Trap.”
Zoe: “We goin’ in?”
Mal: “Ain’t but a few hours out.”
Wash: (confused) “Yeah, but…remember the part where it’s a trap?”
Mal: “If that’s the case then Inara’s already caught in it. She wouldn’t set us up willin’. Might be we get a shot at seein’ who’s turnin’ these wheels. We go in.”
Kaylee: “But how can you be sure Inara don’t just wanna see you? Sometimes people have feelings. I’m referring here to people.”
Mal: “Y’all were watchin’, I take it?”
Kaylee: (everyone looks guilty) “Yes.”
Mal: “Did you see us fight?”
Kaylee: “No.”
Mal: “Trap.”

Mal: “Zoe, ship is yours. Remember: if anything happens to me, if you don’t hear from me within the hour, you take the ship — and you come and you rescue me.”
Zoe: “What? Risk my ship?”

Mal: (kneeling at altar, in disguise) “Dear Buddha: please bring me a pony, and a plastic rocket-”
Inara: “Mal, what are you doing here?!”
Mal: “Well, you invited me.”
Inara: “I never thought for a second you’d be stupid enough to come!”
Mal: “Well that makes you kind of a tease, doesn’t it?”

Operative: “I have to say, Captain: I’m impressed that you would come for her yourself. And that you would make it this far…in that outfit.”

Operative: “I think you’re beginning to understand how dangerous River Tam is.”
Mal: “She is a mite unpredictable. Mood swings, of a sort.”
Operative: “It’s worse than you know.”
Mal: “It usually is.”

Operative: “That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship. She is an albatross, Captain.”
Mal: “Way I remember it, albatross was a ship’s good luck, ’til some idiot killed it.” (to Inara) “Yes, I’ve read a poem, try not to faint.”

Operative: “I have a warship in deep orbit, Captain. We locked onto Serenity’s pulse beacon the moment you hit atmo. I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location inside of three minutes.”
Mal: “You do that,” (pulls out Serenity’s pulse beacon) “you’d best make peace with your dear and fluffy Lord.”

Mal: “I never credited the Alliance with an overabundance of brains, and if you’re the best they’ve got-“
Operative: “Captain Reynolds, I should tell you, so that you don’t waste your time: you can’t make me angry.”
Inara: “Please. Spend an hour with him.”

Inara: “We have every reason to be afraid.”
Jayne: “Why because this guy beat up Mal? That ain’t so hard.”

Inara: “Think maybe it poses some kind of threat to the Alliance?”
Wash: “Do we care? A-Are we caring about that?”

Jayne: “Oh yeah, hidin’ up the Shepherd’s skirts, that’s a manful scheme.”
Mal: “You wanna run this ship?!”
Jayne: “Yes!”
Mal: “Well y-…you can’t!”

Simon: “We’ll get off. River and I will get off at Haven-“
Kaylee: “Nobody’s saying that.”
Wash: “Nobody besides Jayne is saying that.”

Mal: “Shouldn’t’ve been you. Alliance shoulda hit us. Shoulda hit me.”
Book: “That crossed my mind.”

Book: “I killed the ship that…killed us. It’s not very Christian of me.”
Mal: “You did what’s right.”
Book: “Coming from you that means…almost nothing.”

Jayne: “She is starting to damage my calm.”

Mal: “So no more runnin’. I aim to misbehave.”

Jayne: “Shepherd Book used to tell me, ‘Can’t do somethin’ smart, do somethin’ right’.”

Zoe: “It’s a fair bet the Alliance knows about Mr. Universe. They’re gonna see this comin’.”
Mal: “No. They’re not gonna see this comin’.”

Operative: “Target the Reavers…target the Reavers…target everyone…somebody FIRE!”

Wash: “I’m a leaf on the wind…watch how I soar.”
Mal: (watching battle around them in grim satisfaction) “Chickens come home to roost.”
Wash: (flying debris glances off ship’s hull, rattling everyone) “It’s okay…I-I’m a leaf on the wind.”

Jayne: “Cap’n’s right. Can’t be thinkin’ on revenge if we’re gonna get through this.”
Zoe: “Do you really think any of us are gonna get through this?”
Jayne: (looks around, anxious) “Well I might.”

Mr. Universe (via his buffybot): “Mal. Guy killed me, Mal. He killed me with a sword. How weird is that?”

Simon: “My one regret in all of this, is never being with you.”
Kaylee: “With me? You mean to say…sex?”
Simon: “I mean to say.”
Kaylee: “Hell with this…I’m gonna live!”

Mal: (pulling himself up after being shot) “Shot me in the back! Haven’t made you angry, have I?”
Operative: “Do you really believe that?”
Mal: “I do.”
Operative: “You willing to die for that belief?”
Mal: “I am.” (pulls out his gun and shoots at the Operative repeatedly) “Course, that ain’t exactly Plan A.”

Zoe: “How much ammo do we have?”
Jayne: “Three full mags. And my swingin’ cod.”

Operative: “Do you know what your sin is?”
Mal: “Aw hell. I’m a fan of all seven.”

Operative: “You’ve done remarkable things. But you’re fighting a war you’ve already lost.”
Mal: “Yeah well, I’m known for that.”

Mal: “Ain’t all buttons and charts, little albatross. Know what the first rule of flying is? Well I s’pose you do, since you already know what I’m ’bout to say.”
River: “I do. But I like to hear you say it.”
Mal: “Love. Can know all the math in the ‘verse but take a boat in the air that you don’t love? She’ll shake you off just as sure as a turn in the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughtta fall down…tell you she’s hurtin’ ‘fore she keens…makes her a home.”




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Quotes from the TV series The 4400.

Maia Rutledge: I don’t wanna know things before they happen. I wanna be normal.
Diana Skouris: Normal? Who’s normal anyway?
Maia Rutledge: You.
Diana Skouris: Me? Well, let me tell you something about normal people like me. They just wish they were special, like you.

Diana Skouris: Mister Tyler, I know you’re trying to protect your family. But you have to realize that by staying here, you could be putting yourself in serious danger.
Richard Tyler: Maybe. But you know, I was born in 1922 – in Missouri. And my skin was black then as it is now. So I’ve had to worry about fire bombings, and lynchings and beatings my entire life. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s this. Eventually a man’s gotta take a stand. I’m making mine right here.

Shawn Farrell: Me and 4,399 of my closest friends popped out of a ball of light right about here.

Richard Tyler: [to Lily] I’d give up another 53 years if it meant finding you again.

Shawn Farrell: [to Jordan Collier] That baby really kicked your ass.

Diana Skouris: [Marco hands Diana the fake version of Maia’s diary of predictions] This is insane. It’s also the nicest thing anybody’s ever done for me.

Matthew Ross: [regarding Liv] You know, becoming involved with her is out of the question.
Shawn Farrell: Advise me all you want about the center, but …
Matthew Ross: You are the center. Everything about you. You cannot afford to have an inappropriate relationship.
Shawn Farrell: Are you kidding me? Jordan Collier was all about inappropriate!
Matthew Ross: All the reason not to repeat his mistakes.
Shawn Farrell: And who exactly is the ideal girl for Shawn Farrell?
Matthew Ross: I’ll tell you when I meet her.

Dr. Max Hudson: If I start to go crazy can you… take care of me?… In the back of the head!
Diana Skouris: You won’t even see it coming… Dr. Hudson?
Dr. Max Hudson: I just gave you permission to blow my head off. You can call me Max.

Diana Skouris: My mother always wanted me to hit it off with a cute doctor, but move again and I’ll pull this trigger.

Jordan Collier: She lies.

Jordan Collier: Close your mouth, Shawn… you’ll draw flies.

Tom Baldwin: “Cult” is what a big congregation calls a little congregation.

Maia Rutledge: Don’t you have something to believe in?
Shawn Farrell: I used to. But now I guess I’ll just have to believe in you.


Lexx quotes

Lexx Quotes

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Lexx triviaLexx quotesLexx galleryLexx avatarsLexx wallpapers


Zev: What kind of robot are you?
790: I’m a robot who wants to live in your underpants.

Mantrid: [With a voice gradually getting higher] I destroyed a Universe! I destroyed a Universe! I destroyed a Universe! I destroyed a Universe! I destroyed a Universe! I destroyed a Universe! I destroyed a Universe! I destroyed a Universe!
Xev Bellringer: And we destroyed you!
[Squashes Mantrid under her boot]

Robots: Hail Thodin! Winner of His Shadow’s award of merit!
[Thodin goes up to them and steals their guns, lifting the arm on one robot and the other robot lifts its own arm]
Thodin: Good Boys.
Robots: Hail Thodin! Winner of
Robots: correction, award of merit rescinded! Thodin, Arch-Heretic and rebel, you are wanted for immediate termination!
[lift arms, pause]
Robots: Please return our weapons!
[Thodin shoots and vaporizes the robots]
Thodin: May his Shadow fall upon you.

Kai: You might consider abandoning Lyekka on this planet.
Stanley Tweedle: But I like her… when she’s not hungry anyway.




  • “May his merciful shadow fall upon… me preferably.”
  • “I don’t know about you, Kai, but right now, I’m about as happy as a kid in a candy store!”
  • “Zev if you need a man that badly! You know where to find me!”
  • “Hey buddy! Your machine must be busted or something, because I ain’t fertile, I ain’t female! No
    I’m Stanley Tweedle, all man!”
  • “Oh thats Great! I’m gonna die without my hat. I mean we are going to die be at least you guys will
    be dressed…”


  • “Can’t we just have sex instead?”
  • “I like my men tall, handsome, and dead.”
  • “You’re right, Stan, I do need you, I need your magic hand guiding this ship around this universe,
    so I can find myself a real man.”
  • “We can take an oral exam right now, if you want.”
  • “You may still only be a head, 790; but you’re the best head I ever had.


  • “I kill you now in the name of his Shadow!”
  • “The dead do not feel pain.”
  • “The dead do not get frustrated.”
  • “The dead do not poo.”
  • “The dead do not squeeze and please.”
  • “The dead can’t get high.”
  • “The wheel, it turns, it rolls around. It makes an ancient rumbling sound.”
  • “I have not been aroused for 6000 years.”
  • “I have killed thousands. I have killed proud young warriors and wise old rulers. I have killed
    mothers with babes in their arms. I have killed the just, the wicked, and the beautiful. I have done
    this for two thousand years in the service of His Divine Shadow and apparently the fun never stops!”
  • “Would you care to join me in watching a Super Nova? It is a once in a lifetime experience.”
  • “As a mindless servant of death for His Shadow, I was not prone to curiousity.”
  • “I was kept in a mortuary with thousands like myself. There I recieved protoblood from a tube in
    my storage drawer.”
  • “No.. you can’t eat my brain just yet. I need it a little while longer.”
  • “Mind Squish until we return. And if we do not… kill it, before it gets big enough to eat you.”
  • “Be certain of your need before you chose to reanimate me. In the light universe, I have been
    darkness, perhapes in the Dark Zone.. I will be light.”


  • “Stanley Tweedle a man? Thats news!”
  • “If I only had an arm I’d be more than just a head! If only had an arm I would strangle Tweedle Dead!”
  • “Please torture the little bastard!!”
  • “Don’t look at me dead man in black, I have no motivation except to jam circuits with creamy love pudding number one.”
  • “Say, do you have any well-built male bodies without heads?”
  • “Tweedle, you slut!”
  • “On a branch there is a fruit, Plump and ripe for sucking, In a bed there is a Xev, hot and right for…..”

The Lexx

  • “As you command Stanley the brave who risked his skin for his friends.”
  • “Distress, distress.. I am being penetrated…”
  • “I am the Lexx. The most powerful destructive weapon in the two universes. Stanley Tweedle is my captain. I blow up planets for him.”


  • “I always stick to my deals!”
  • “I’m very good with pain.”
  • “I can give you happiness, Xev. I can fill the emptiness within you.”



Buck Rogers in the 25th Century Quotes
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BUCK ROGERS in the 25th Century: Quotes

Brigadier Gordon: I’ve been doing this since before you were born.
Buck Rogers:
You think so?
Brigadier Gordon:
Son, I KNOW so.

Buck Rogers: Nice costume, Tigerman. You going trick or treating?
Princess Ardala: Defiant. I always like that in a man. What did you think of my ingenious invitation?
Buck Rogers: I was swept away by emotion.

Kane: Shall I order the ambuquad disassembled?
Twiki: You ever have TWO broken arms, buster?

[Tigerman lifts up Twiki]
Twiki: Put me down, you big ox.

Princess Ardala: Captain Buck Rogers, meet Captain Buck Rogers.
[Buck witnesses the debut of the Zygot, a robot duplicate of himself]
Buck Rogers: Something you threw together in crafts class, Princess?

Buck Rogers: Well, you got a real winner there, Princess. When are you gonna teach him to walk and chew gum at the same time?

Narrator: [voiceover during opening] The year is 1987, and NASA launches the last of America’s deep space probes. In a freak mishap, Ranger 3 and its pilot, Captain William “Buck” Rogers, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life support systems, and returns Buck Rogers to Earth… 500 years later.

[Buck is battling the Draconian Zygot robot duplicates of himself]
Zygot: Your turn to go, pro, give me your best shot.
Buck Rogers: All right, catch.
[Buck fires, misses]
Zygot: Boring, Buck. Boring.
[the Zygot fires, and also misses]
Buck Rogers: Your move, which way you gonna break?
Zygot: Just keep your eyes open, son.

[Major Cooper has managed to lead his squadron through a dense asteroid field to their target]
Noah Cooper: Okay, kids, start breathing again.
Buck Rogers: [Spoting enemy fighters on his scope] Stop breathing, we’ve got company.

Harriet Twain: [after twelve bad practice runs] Maybe we should stick to throwing birthday parties!

[Buck has picked up a large machine gun from the table, and points it at Corliss]
Commander Corliss: You fool, that’s an ancient signaling device.
[Buck fires a quick burst at the floor]
Buck Rogers: Get the message?

Lars Mangros: I was afraid you were too good to be true, Tarkus… your report to New Chicago will have to be delayed. Permanently.

[due to a lack of available fighter pilots, Twiki and Dr Theopolis are assisting in a battle against a squad of enemy fighters]
Twiki: [spotting an enemy fighter in his sights] Eat lead, sucker!
Dr. Theopolis: Lead? Twiki, what *are* you talking about?

Twiki: [Twiki is flying a fighter in combat. Destroys an enemy ship] Eat lead, sucker!
Dr. Theopolis: Lead? What lead? Twiki, what are you talking about?

Commander Corliss: Have you ever been in a fire, Rogers, or should I say have you ever been ON fire?
Buck Rogers: No, I can’t say I have.

Kane: Even my Zygots can’t control a ship at that rate of speed… there is no error… it’s impossible to capture him now.
Princess Ardala: He’s on an intercept with our attack force.
Kane: That’s just fine.
Princess Ardala: Fine? What do you mean, fine?
Kane: What can one Buck Rogers possibly do against three?
Princess Ardala: We shall SEE, Kane.

Harriet Twain: We’re out of time, Noah. We’ve got to attack now.
[Noah Cooper says nothing]
Eli Twain: Maybe Dizzy Dee was right, maybe you shouldn’t have taken this assignment.
Harriet Twain: Yeah, maybe you’re too old and scared to do the job any more.
Noah Cooper: Dammit, you all love her too!
Corporal M.K. Schultz: Of course we do, Noah!
‘Big Red’ McMurphey: Yeah, but we got a job to do.

[Roxanne Trent’s servant, Alicia, is viewing a memory globe image of herself with her mother and father]
Roxanne Trent: What are you doing, Alicia?
[Alicia quickly hides the memory globe]
Roxanne Trent: Ah, daydreaming again. Five years I’ve owned you and your mind always seems to be wandering off somewhere. If the market for Terran servants wasn’t so depressed I’d sell you in an instant. Well don’t just stand there, brush!
[Alicia brushes Trent’s hair as Trent tries to open a perfume bottle. She drops the bottle, revealing her right hand to be a crude metallic appendage that causes her pain. She then notices Alicia staring at the metallic hand]
Roxanne Trent: [ominously] You were smiling.
[Alicia shakes her head no, but an enraged Trent brutally grabs Alicia’s wrist]
Roxanne Trent: You think I’m hideous! You think you’re better than me because you have two normal hands. Well I can rectify that!

True Blood Quotes

True Blood Quotes

“So i guess you’ve killed alot of people?” – Sookie

“I have been waiting for this moment since they came out of the coffin two years ago” – Sookie

“Humans have killed millions in senseless wars, i do not hold you responsible for that.” – Bill

“If you insist on flaunting your ways in front of mortals…there will be consequences” – Bill

“Because you don’t breathe. You don’t have any electively whatever it is. Your friends want nothing more then to rip my throat out. Because vampires killed that preacher from the fellowship of the sun and his wife and baby. Look me in the eye and tell me they didn’t do it.” – Sookie

“You are a man in this family, but I am the oldest person here and this is my house. You better respect me boy”Adele(Gran)

“Most of my customers are stupid people” – Sam

Are you trying to glamour me? – Sookie
Yes. (Acts shocked that she notices) – Malcom
That doesn’t work on me.
– Sookie

“Bill, you were just licking blood out of my head, I don’t think it gets much more personal than that.” – Sookie

“Looks like she likes ’em tall dark and dead.” Lafayette

You able to pick up anything? – Bill
All anyone’s thinking about here is sex, sex, sex. – Sookie
One needn’t be telepathic to pick up on that.
– Bill

“I’m too damn pretty to go to prison” – Jason

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